am i a bad daughter?

ps. wrong grammar/punctuations, was ugly crying while writing this.

Hi, im a college student, daughter of a single mom, only child, and never met nor know anything abt her father. I've experienced verbal, physical, and emotional abuse from my mother. She said its called discipline. The only person that once defended me to my mother was my grandma but she died when I was in grade 1. Since I was a child ive always dream of living this house, imagine a grade 6 child thinking how to escape her own mother, a child who doesn't want to go home straight from school (but still chooses to because i don't have friends to stay with). Every small wrongdoings up until now I receive beatings from her, even the things I never did. She would rather believe false accusations from my aunt than my side. She praises the daughters of people she knew but never me. Im scared to tell her things I feel or if someone hates me because I know that she will only blame me. I never heard her tell me im beautiful (i have physical insecurities no one knew). She didn't attend my highschool graduation because I was not part of highest honor (but I am still part of top 20 of my batch). Everytime I want to buy something she always say that we don't have money bu once her siblings ask for some she will happily give them. That's why I grew up envious of my cousins because they have complete family, parents that would side them (including my mother), and get the things I only dream of.

I only think the reason why my mother treated me badly is because I was born out of wedlock. Her siblings have complete family, while she only have me. She hates my father up until now. I have some physical traits that are similar to him, and when we learned that my bloodtype is also similar with him, she would always tell me "anak ka talagang tatay mo" in disgust and hatred.

To end my sufferings I tried looking for work so I can leave this house but there is no luck. I also planned to end my life but I can't leave my two dogs, and I am scared to never meet my late dog in heaven. She always brag that I will soon become a nurse and would take her to different countries, but I have other plans. I would buy her a house, and pay her back, then I'll build my own family far from her and our relatives.