It hurts. When will I be free from the unbearable pain in my heart?

(Please let me know if you can relate.. I feel alone in this journey)

You left me heartbroken, with a silent treatment. Or I'll rather say, another one of your multiple silent treaments. While a few days earlier, you told me you loved me, wanted to make things serious and that I'd be 'yours'. What hurts the most is all the things we actually did not do, every time you made me belief 'this time he sounds like he really means it', and then ofcourse you did mean not a word. It hurts because you gave me hope: every single time I waited for you, I looked forward for us doing things together, being together, just us. But that was only in my mind, for you there was never an us. For you there was only you, and there only will be a you in your life I guess. Sometimes I regret not walking away, and leaving you and your unfulfilled promises behind, all the lies, the sweet but hollow words, the artificial love, but I did not walk away because for me it was real. And this pain is so so deep, that at this moment I don't know how to cope with it. I am honestly glad I know that at least I am capable of loving someone, giving my heart to someone, but now it is shattered. I now grief a potential of you that was not even you at all. The mask, the idea of you still hunts me in my most beautiful dreams, only to wake up again and realise it was not real. It hurts... I want you to heal the pain you've caused, but that is, I guess the abusive dysfunctional cycle of us being together. The worst is, rationally I know you're not good for me, I do not deserve this much pain and I should move on, but on an emotional level I don't want to lose you and I deep down still hope some day everything I hoped for us will be real. But it won't.