I grew up/learned how to talk in an all black neighborhood before eventually moving. After losing connection, I’m concerned about there being AAVE in my speech that I haven’t caught or corrected yet, and I’m unsure of how to go about it.

As a kid AAVE was the most natural way to speak for me because I grew up in an all-black community. My peers, neighbors, teachers, my foster family, doctors, folks I went to church with, all black folk that I modeled my speech around because they were who I was surrounded by from ages 0-8 years old. Just how I learned how to talk. I never thought about the way I talked until I moved to a more predominantly white area (family got custody again) and got bullied for it. So, mostly to protect myself, I adjusted and overtime I thought, had completely unlearned it.

But I guess not.

The issue is apparently I still sometimes use AAVE not knowing other white people don’t generally talk like that. Most recently, it was “spinning the block.” I had no idea white people “aren’t supposed to say that.” The alternative is so weirdly formal to me tbf lmfao. My concern is, aside from occasional slips, I sound about as white as you’d expect a white person to sound because I have had plenty of time to unlearn/relearn. At first it took a lot of conscious effort, especially when I was angry, but not so much anymore. The last thing I want anyone to think is that I am one of those white-wannabes “trying to sound black.” Typically when this happens in the company of a black person, they’ll ask where I’m from, and the answer is always met with acceptance and what seems like a pass, essentially. “That makes sense. Carry on, white boy.”

But there is no demographic of people I love and respect more than black folk, for obvious reasons. I eat myself alive with worry that one of these days someone will think I’m trying to do it. I hate that thought, because I absolutely fucking despise watching other white people do this shit. But I’m an awkward position. I “sound white,” until I don’t. The words I use sometimes apparently don’t. But it’s language I’ve always used. That apparently, I just haven’t noticed other white people aren’t using.

I guess my question is, would your preference be for someone like me to continue this learning/unlearning process? Or, after a certain point, would it be okay for me to just say “this is just the way I talk sometimes, because of my background.”

The shame and hesitation I feel is because I became more disconnected from the black community when I moved away. By age 12-13 I had successfully managed “sounding white” and since then unfortunately have had so much less exposure to black people than I’d like to have because for the area I’m in. My upbringing is so far in my past, and I’m an adult now. After a certain point is it a natural, and acceptable reasoning— or just an excuse to not unlearn? I never want anyone to feel as if I’m just being opportunistic about black language. Or that I’m clinging to something I have no right to cling to because it has been so long since I talked that way consistently, and so long since my community was mostly black. I don’t want to be seen as one of those insufferable people. Not ever. I’m just unsure, and for obvious reasons I’m not an authority on these things at all. Thank you in advance for any direction/advice you have to give me. I do appreciate it.

Keep unlearning? Or let it be what it is, and offer explanation when people notice before I do?

G