i hate how trapped i feel at times and i ruin everyone’s vibes

(not trying to seek reassurance from here)

God i feel like im in hell. i posted yesterday about how i was trapped in a full car with 5 people on a trip out of the country and my brother was getting car sick. thank god i gave him my zofran (probably for my own sake than his 🥲)

We’re on a 3 hour drive to the airport which already the idea of being on a plane for 8 hours is terrifying enough but i’ve gotten through it just fine, the flight otw here wasn’t terrible at all

However, my brother started complaining about being carsick again and requested my zofran. Of course, I have not been able to relax since. were a little under an hour from the airport but stuck in hellish traffic. My OCD is on fire. i keep reassurance seeking from my mom and brother that they aren’t going to get sick. Everyone’s getting annoyed with me. My brother keeps asking me about the recovery progress i’ve made.

I hate how bad it gets sometimes. I keep having intrusive thoughts and visuals that my brother or mom is going to suddenly announce they need to pull over and get sick. I quite literally am trapped in this car and there’s nothing i can do Which i know it’s ridiculous, i’ve told them it’s stupid and i feel ridiculous. The logical side of me knows that if they got sick, i would be fine. Just extremely upset and uncomfortable but i just cannot relax.

Hopefully the flight home will be fine. I just wish i could shut my brain off