M16 My parents are forcing me to do an Intensive Outpatient Program, and today was one of the most stressful days of my life.

It’s 8 hours every weekday, and I’m only 1 day in, and I feel much worse. I haven’t been around people my age in at least 7 months, and now I have to sit around with no distractions (phone or notebook) and have people talk to me and look at me, and just be around them in general. I never know where to look, and try to stare at my desk or water bottle so I don’t accidentally look at someone or seem like it. My stomach felt awful the entire time, and I had diarrhea hours afterwards. My head aches very badly despite how much water I drank.

The worst part is I am basically the only one with social anxiety. Everyone else is very confident, loud, and confrontational. Some of the kids tried to talk to me, and started picking on me, pretending to be my grandma calling me Sonny boy (fucking weird), and talking to me about butt plugs (fucking nasty 🤢). Just like the psychological bullying assholes from my high school, they wouldn’t stop asking embarrassing questions, and trying to make me feel uncomfortable.

My eyes hurt from staring at the floor for so long, because I was so incredibly anxious the whole time. My boundaries don’t seem respected by most everyone.

I’m supposed to do this for 45 days. No. I’d rather stay angry and alone.