I think I was abused as a baby

This is my first time posting here, I just found this community. Sorry if it’s a long one

So I was born in the early 2000’s and my parents had a computer from rent-a-center. My mom told me that she’d found CP on it and called the police on my bio dad, but the police couldn’t prove it was him who had the material because the computer had been previously owned by other people. So that was that. Then, she broke up with him when I was around 2.

What makes me think I was abused was because of how I acted around male family members. My family told me these stories, but they never suggested abuse, it’s just something I noticed. My mom would leave me with family while she worked, and I would hide under beds or something if a male relative was watching me. I’d be fine around my female family members, playing games with them or watching cartoons. Then as I got a little older, some of my earliest memories (5-6) were of being terrified of older men. It was this instinct I had, like I knew they could hurt me. Then around 10, I started being attracted to older men, I started getting really hyper sexual around 12 but I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 15. All of them were older than me. None of them were my age.

But what really scares me is after a decade of not talking to my bio dad, I reached out to him on Facebook when I was 17 and we were talking more often, but it was on and off. He didn’t make any effort, I guess he really just didn’t want to be in my life, even though he said he wanted me to be. Then when I was around 21, I was talking on the phone with bio dad when he’d mentioned he’d gone to jail recently, so I asked about it, and he admitted that he’d gone for CP possession again. He swore up and down when I asked that he’d never touched any kids. Said he never touched me either. I stopped talking to him after that and I’m 24 now, wanting to make sense of what happened.

I was a different kid. I don’t have the memories of him touching me, but it’s like I had the instincts. This conversation came up with my mom a few years ago and she quietly told me that she thinks he sexually abused me and touched me. We never talked about it again after that. My family always spoke fondly of my bio dad, but they did mention he was very weird. When I asked why they thought that, they never really elaborated. I don’t have the memories so I don’t know for sure if he did or not.

Either way, he wasn’t a safe person. That CP on the computer from rent-a-center was most likely his, because he was arrested for it a few years ago. Idk. Is it possible to not have memories of abuse bc it happened at a young age? I was under 2 if it did happen. Maybe I don’t wanna know. I just wanted to come vent, I want to get into therapy and try to make sense of this..