My boyfriend may be triggering me

I should start off with my first sexual assault to have this story make sense, and say that my boyfriend is a good man and he's not doing any of this on purpose. Tw for the story, it's not graphic but ya know..

When I was younger, I was sleeping ontop of my cousins bunk beds. When my cousins friend came up top of mine and pulled my pants down, I was half asleep so when I starting waking up while he was placing himself between me. He told me to just count. He humped into me for a while and I was lucky because my uncle came in and immediately told him to get off. It was supposed to be a camping trip that next day but with what he did, they canceled it. My family doesn't talk about it and I try not too. We were both young, maybe 8 or 10 years old.

I'm 18 now and I transitioned into a male a little while after that incident (FTM). But now I'm struggling. I've gone through other experiences since then, mostly with cis people. And all my memories have been repressed from those moments and what happened. But something about this year is bringing Them back. And I think it's my boyfriend..

Everytime we cuddle, his chest against my back, I can feel him down there. Rather it be just twitching or anything. I can feel it. And it drives me crazy. It makes my chest tighten and my brain spin and I get scared and try to move away. Try to move my hips away from him and whatever I can. Everytime, without fail, he makes me feel insane and scared. It's not his fault. It never is. It's my fault for having such aggressive sexual trauma. And I'm too scared to tell him that he triggers alot of hard to deal with emotions in me whenever he tries to get close. Whenever he touches me or hugs me. I flinch and try and move away. I only like the touch or feel safe with it when I'm the only touching him.

I don't know what to do. I just don't know. I'm too scared to tell him, I can't get therapy to save my life. I'm stuck in this endless cycle of relieving feelings from that night specially and I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much and he knows my trauma and he understands everything I tell him I'm just so so scared I cant