Not sure if I’m a trans guy.

My first language is Chinese, and my English isn’t great. This is machine-translated, so please bear with me ❤️❤️

I’m not sure whether I’m a trans man. I do identify with being male. I often think of myself as a gay man. When people say I look like a boy, I feel proud and happy. When they call me cute in a girly way, I feel a bit uncomfortable. I want a male body and a male social identity.

At the same time, I don’t hate my own body. I just feel repulsed by other female bodies. I don’t mind using the women’s restroom. Around cis men, I feel anxious, like I don’t fit in, like there’s some distance. In female spaces, I function fine, but mentally I don’t see myself as the same as them. I also don’t like the vibe in female-oriented communities. I’m not into what people here call “feminism” (where I live it often feels more like matriarchy).

I’ve seen people say that if you don’t have body dysphoria, then you’re not really trans. I don’t know if that’s true. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just romanticizing something I don’t actually understand. But no matter how I question it, I still feel like I’d rather be male.