I think I’m not trans I just need to put my thoughts out thier

So I came out to the only person I could back in 2016-17 when I was like 11 or 12 and I’m 20 now and online I’ve been out for years

I was never able to actually come out to family besides my cousin because they’re all very horrible people and it wouldn’t of been safe

I had doubts that I actually was trans for a while now but then I would get called a guy and be like that felt nice Maybey I am and I’m just doubt myself because of the fear of my family, but over the last few months the feeling that I was wrong has been haunting me and then I met this guy and I have never been happier we were coworkers and we hang out all the time and I’ve never been happier I’ve started doing my make up and hair again and he’s made me feel confident and realize that what other people think of me dosent matter and I shouldn’t hide just because I’m scared of what someone thinks of me and every time he compliments me on my make up or my hair or anything feminine I do I just feel in describable amounts of joy and then today I was kinda reading over his shoulder and he referred to me as his girl and it was like a flip switched in my mind that fully confirmed that I was wrong and I thought I would feel sad or lost in admitting it but I think I am cis and I still love and respect trans people and my trans friends I just think I personally was wrong I still don’t like my

Name and Maybey that’s part of the reason I did think I was trans Maybey it was a mix of hating my

Name and hating my body and just all around being depressed from the trama I was experiencing at the time and it was my minds way of trying to figure out why I hated myself idk I hope that makes since

Side note he never knew I thought I was trans or anything that seems kinda relevant idk

I don’t even know why I’m writing this tbh I just wanted to put my thoughts into the world I guess