Idk which gender i am attracted to please help

Ok so a little bit of backstory, all of this will make sense i swear

I was raised super religious(muslim) and didn’t know that queerness was a thing until i was 12 or smth. Im 19, my father died when I was 13 and that had made me seek male validation more than usual, which i believe led me to date 3 guys online in 2020

I realized I was queer during that time, as a kid I never really felt attraction towards women or men tbh. I remember obsessing over guys, dreaming of marriage constantly etc. back in kindergarten, i decided that i had a crush on three random guys in my class, one of them led to elementary etc etc but even tho with all that, i still deep down thought that liking guys was a phase and everyone was doing it because they found it funny just like i did and i would never eventually settle down with a dumb men

My sudden crushes went through middle school and high school too, it was only w men tho and it got worse after my dad. but like now im grown up, and years has passed since my dad died but i still feel like this happens w guys again and again, and after a slight chance of having actually something w them, i feel weird. I think thats why i never dated any guys

With girls, I could count solid like oh my god im in love moments, and some crushes here and there which made my heart HdhhedhshjzhDhebdjfjks ifykwim. Like im 100% sure i like girls romantically and physically, but i do think that its weird i never had crushes on girls as a kid? I do think there were some female celebrities that i was obsessed with, but idk what that obsession would fall under. I also had always been overly attached to my girl friends, like resenting other girls if they even tried to befriend them type thing, but that was maybe just because of my general jealousy issues and whatever.

So this is the part where im confused.

Tbh visually, i find men attractive. Finn wolfhard is my biggest celeb crush of all time. But i feel like thats it, like i could technically imagine myself in a relationship w a man cuddling and stuff. But i just dgaf about them sexually, (aside from reading byler fanfics💜).

So logically, i wouldn’t say i could be with a men. I find women’s bodies EXTREMELY attractive, im sure of that💜

But idk if i would find any girl beautiful enough to get over my self image issues and fall head over heels for her looks? As i could do with a guy? Idk if that even makes sense

I only identify as queer as of now, but would love to know people’s thoughts 🙁 i wanna get into dating but i dont want to hurt anyone while still being confused