Why did I create this sub?

I created this sub because I have been feeling lost and alone. not physically alone I have friends and family who live me very much. but, I am experiencing something completely new it's like my ego has died and I no longer know who I am. I feel like I am watching my life but, I don't feel connected to it anymore. I created this space because sometimes we just need to yell shit into the void to get it out of our souls. I will just post random unhinged shit from my life, thoughts, memories, hopes, dreams, fears. who knows. do I care if anyone reads them nope. do I care if people like or down vote my posts? nope. do I think people will use this community to yell into the void and connect with others who feel the same as them or have some great advice. nope do I even think I will have the time and engery to be a mod if people start actively coming here? nope again. Do I think anyone is still reading? nope? do I hope they have stopped long before now? yes:

so now I am gonna tell my long winded story to the void in peace since my opening probably scared anyone sane away.

It started back in October my life started to fall apart but, I don't know how to ask for help, I don't know how to stop running a million miles and hour. I was trained by a dangerous cult that I am a worthless good for nothing slave. Even though I have been free from this cult for a long time I still can't shake the feelings of being worthless. this mentality of having to give more than I have for others, god (yeah lower case I don't believe in the god of the Bible after everything I have been through) do I believe in something? maybe I just don't know how to trust myself enough to allow myself to decide how I feel about a creator like the one described in the Bible.

see what this fucking cult did to me? (yep this is my sub you can say fucking, actually you can say all the words as long as you aren't actively using them to attack a person directly in the comments. if your telling a story then just say it but, don't be a keyboard warrior.) it took away my ability to even trust myself yes it taught us that your heart is treacherous. your taught not to trust yourself or lean upon your own understanding. so as a full grown adult how do you function in a healthy way? you don't. you think everyone is out to get you all the time, you think, you can't trust yourself, and you think any mistake like missing that last oxford comma could cost you your life. (not the comma that's just an example cause I like them but, when trapped in a cult you do become afraid that any little thing you do could permanently end your life and chances of living forever and being with your family. that fear is what is used to control you.

all that to say absolutely nothing really just that I live in constant fear that I am not good enough and that I am gonna die. it makes it impossible to make decisions.

I am afraid to trust anyone especially myself.

my goal being free from that cult and with this sub is just to be a place where people can unapologetically be themselves and say anything and anything on their mind or heart.