Life is a prison, and I'm on death row

Some days it feels like everything is against me. My body feels heavy, my asthma makes simple movements exhausting, and even walking or standing long enough is a battle. My thoughts are heavy too, stuck on everything I can’t change or fix. The bad stuff in life is relentless. People let me down. Systems fail me. Expectations pile up and I can’t keep up. Even the things that are supposed to be comforting feel hollow. I worry constantly about the people I care about, especially my girlfriend. I worry about her safety, her moods, whether she’s upset with me, whether I’m giving her enough, and it never stops. Then there are people around me who make life worse, like the little asshole that makes rape jokes or pushes boundaries in ways I shouldn’t have to deal with. And even people who are supposed to help, like my counselor, make me feel trapped. Being forced to sign a contract just to talk to my therapist makes me feel like I have no control over my own voice. I feel trapped in routines I hate. I feel trapped by my own body. I feel trapped by the noise of stress, guilt, and worry that never shuts off. Moments that should feel joyful are swallowed by the constant weight of disappointment and exhaustion. Every day feels like a fight just to survive without breaking. I try to focus on the things that used to make me happy, but even that doesn’t work. The little sparks get swallowed by everything else. It is like standing in a room with one tiny candle and a hurricane blowing through. No matter how hard I shield it, the wind keeps trying to snuff it out. Even when I find something that brings me comfort, like thinking of the people I care about, it is never enough to outweigh all the struggles. I am constantly reminded of my limits, my failures, the things I cannot control. The scales are broken, tilted completely toward pain, frustration, helplessness, and despair. Some days I wonder why I keep moving forward at all when life feels less like a journey and more like a sentence. It is exhausting, unfair, and inescapable. And sometimes I just need to admit that out loud.