[M27] not sure what to do in relationship with [F27]

Hey everybody,

Need some advice here, so here we go. My gf [F27] and I [M27] have been together more or less for a little over a year. We had a great relationship up until recently, which has been due to a few things:

1. She’s a digital nomad, so she spends part of the year with her nomad friends abroad. She used to be gone about 80%of the year, but she said at the beginning of our relationship that she wanted it to slow down (which it has). Now she’s gone about 40% of the time but it’s been harder to feel connected as of late.

2. She had an incident a few weeks ago where other people were involved. It wasn’t fully cheating but about the closest thing to it. Granted, she was blackout drunk, but what happened was still hurtful. She did call me the next day and apologize and told me everything, which seemed very very heartfelt. She’s since apologized a lot for what happened.

3. I visited her for the last week and a half abroad after not seeing her for about seven weeks. Most of the time she was removed and distant, and I was anxious and sometimes distant/cold too, but I kept trying to talk and restart things as if they were new again. The trip ended well because we had some productive discussions, but things still a bit feel off.

She doesn’t come home for another 2-2 1/2 weeks, and during that time we plan to stay in contact. She’s still trying to figure out her plan and if she still is ready to be in a relationship. I’ve told her a few times now that I want to be with her, but that I’m almost done with feeling like I’m the only one fighting for an “us”. We plan to decide things more when she gets home.

Any advice on what to do? I love her so much but feel like I’m the one who is doing most of the “tolerating” lately. I’m just heartbroken atm

TL;DR gf is thinking through things but I’m not sure how much longer I can go, given what’s happened.