Your 5.0 ROAS is a total myth, and I’m exhausted pretending it’s a win.

I just wrapped a call with a founder who was practically glowing because his dashboard showed a 5.0 ROAS. He’s out here celebrating while his actual bank balance is flatlining.

We dug into the real numbers. COGS, shipping, and the 25% return rate he’s been ignoring because “it’ll all balance out eventually.”

Newsflash: He’s literally burning money on every single order.

I’ve spent years auditing accounts for heavy hitters like Mindray and Bajaj, and the gap between “looking successful” and actually being profitable is a joke. People are addicted to these vanity metrics because staring at a screen is easier than facing a messy P&L.

If you're wondering why you're not wealthy yet, here's why:

1.      "Brand Aesthetic" is a total cope. If your site looks like a high-end art gallery but the checkout flow is a scavenger hunt, you don't have a business. You have a very expensive hobby. I’ve seen "ugly" landing pages out-convert "award-winning" designs by 3x because the logic was actually there.

2.      Stop "Optimising" Ads for a broken funnel. I don't care how "elite" your media buyer is. If your average order value is lower than a pizza delivery and nobody ever buys from you twice, you’re just paying Meta to help you go broke faster.

3.      The Search Blind Spot. Half of you are still obsessed with 2018 keyword stuffing while ignoring how people actually buy in 2026. If Perplexity or ChatGPT doesn’t even know your brand exists, you're effectively invisible.

I told this person today: "I’d rather have a 2.0 ROAS on a high-value order than your 'viral' 5.0 ROAS on a cheap product that costs more to ship than it's worth."

He looked offended. Fine. But the math doesn't care about your feelings or your "vibe." Marketing is a decision system, not a personality trait. If you can't trace a post directly to a transaction, you’re just playing house.

Check your net margins and stop staring at your "Impressions" tab. It’s embarrassing.