I feel too stupid to succeed in life

I’m a sophomore at a tech school. Most of my friends are engineers who have big projects, professional experience, club leadership, internships lined up. I am a business major who is constantly clowned for “living life on easy mode.” I don’t even disagree, I have found most of my classes to be pretty straightforward and my only accomplishment is a high GPA. But I cannot genuinely learn anything. I find it impossible to focus on a lecture even when I’m staring straight at the board, like nothing clicks for me even though I’m trying. I cram information from lecture slides right before exams, and then immediately forget everything by the end of the course. I really don’t feel knowledgeable on anything whatsoever.

I recently went on a few dates with a guy, honestly for the purpose of trying to get my personality back because nothing really makes me excited anymore. I’ve tried exercising regularly, walking around nyc, hanging out with my friends, partying on the weekends, sex, but it all feels just as bland as when I lie in bed all day. Our last date kinda sucked, I could barely hold a conversation and I feel like I used to be pretty sociable. I couldn’t fully listen to the stories he told and almost felt like I was high the whole time (I quit smoking weed months ago, but even when I did smoke it was infrequent). He kept calling me slow to my face and I couldn’t even really argue. He asked me a lot about my future plans and said he was surprised I’m even passing my classes and that it’s crazy i just go to class each day and do nothing else with my life.

I don’t really reach out to my friends anymore because I’ve just become so boring and I feel like they’re looking down on me for having nothing going on in my life while they’re all in greek life and busy all the time. I’ve tried club volleyball and the black student union but it’s so awful being in spaces where literally everyone has already made their friends. It feels so awful being lonely, and then when my friends want to be with me I’m somehow equally miserable.

I have all the free time in the world to make something of myself and the only obstacle is me, so I haven’t complained about how I’ve felt to anyone because it just sounds so pathetic and kind of ridiculous. I have such a long list of what I want for myself but I somehow just spend every day worrying and I can’t break the cycle, the year is nearly over and I have nothing to show and no excuse. I just can’t believe how behind I am compared to other people my age and don’t know how it comes so easy to them. I should be able to drive on the highway without being terrified, I should feel like I’m learning in school, I should workout often, I should have a strong resume, I should have applied for 20+ internships, and the list just goes on and it feels so embarrassing and every day feels the same and I honestly worry I’m not smart enough to make it in the future.