AITA for not being okay with my boyfriend spending the night with the Ex girlfriend he cheated on me with?

Preface: A lot of backstory missing.

Today, Tyler 23M, texts me 23F and tells me he needs to call me ASAP when i get off work. I’m alarmed. He reassures me everything’s fine but it’s a very pressing matter.

I call him, and he proceeds to tell me that Rylee21F, the mentioned Ex, has contacted HIS mom Trisha 45F, to let her know that she had been r*ped and had ODed earlier this week. Trisha immediately books Rylee a flight the next day to come see her, to help her.

Anywho, that’s not the issue. I communicate that I hope she’s okay and that his mother is very caring. What Tyler then unleashes on me is that he had a phone call with her and was planning on driving 3+ hours to go pick her up and then drive her 2+ hours to the airport? All of which are harsh boundaries in our relationship at the moment. So I freaked out and told him no, I was upset that he even had a phone call with her, and that she needs to find her own way to the airport. I communicated that he shouldn’t be involved in her life anymore and that if his mom wanted to see her, she needed to finish making the travel arrangements, including her ride to the airport. He then tells me he VOLUNTEERED to pick up her up? He is also claiming she’s in “danger”. So I crashed out a bit. You know the whole 9 yards, begging, pleading, cursing a bit, some tears. I admittedly freak out out ngl. But that didn’t really matter cause he repeatedly keeps telling me that he has “a calling” and “a prompt from god” to go do this for her. I’m communicating it’s crossing my boundaries. I communicate to him that it’s not his place anymore to be at her beck and call, and that im just not comfortable with it. So, instead of respecting my boundary, he picks his keys up and starts driving to her in the midst of the night.

This whole time im thinking he has lost his damn mind. He is now back in contact with and is going to spend the night with this Ex that he already cheated on me with. I made him call me and add his mom to the call to get the story straight, and she confirmed everything was true. I’m still not okay with it.

I had offered to pay for her uber to the airport, or a rental car, or to send my brother to pick her up. Btw, IM STILL unsure WHY she can’t drive herself? Tyler is persistent on believing “she won’t make it through the night” “she won’t get into the uber” “it’s a calling” “a human life is at risk!”

I’m telling him it’s ridiculous. That if her life was in genuine danger that night, she needed to be baker acted, that she needs to meet with professionals. His MOM and HIM are against the idea? At this point im losing my mind but keeping composure but my jaw is on the floor. He is actively driving 3+ hours to her house in the middle of the night, 12+ hours before her flight.

I try to call the Ex. If her and I could have had a conversation it would make things so much easier. But Rylee picks up the phone, asked “who the fck is this” I tell her my name and that I’m Tyler’s girlfriend and she proceeds to ask “why the fuck are you calling me?” And I had said to her that I was very interested in talking with her. Proceeds to tell me “I have no fucking interest in talking with you” extremely hostile with me.

oh ok and she’s mean! yeah this is going swell!

I call tyler and tell him that and we argue/ talk for the next 2+ hours of his car ride. He drops that she “feels bad for him” in consideration of how im reacting to all of this?? He promises to stay on FaceTime with me while he’s there.

I hold him to it. Apparently, Rylee tells Tyler that she’s uncomfortable with him being on FaceTime with me while in her apartment, even though I consented to him muting the mic when they talk, I just wanted him to keep the camera on himself so I knew no funny business was up. But she is refusing to talk to him while FaceTime is on. Even with the mic is muted.

She doubles down so hard that he went to sleep in the car. Anywho, they’re texting and im telling him to send me screenshots. He’s only sending select few and tbh probably deleting texts in between. In my opinion I feel he’s being overly kind, and talking to her with the tone he uses with me (not only through text, but also when he was inside her apartment.) Anyways, in a long text she sends him she claimed that “ she understands where im coming from.. but him driving up there just to be on the phone with ME has made everything so much worse… that I called her and cursed her out and berated her.. that she just needs to talk and she is so sorry for the position he’s in!”

So she straight up lied to Tyler about how her and I’s phone call went and accused me of what she did to me, is throwing a tantrum because Tyler is staying on the phone with me for my comfort, but at the same time cracking jokes through text message like “the guilt for how much money your mom spent on my plane ticket is why I won’t off myself loll”

Tyler almost believed her over me. But he not so causally kept taking her side, “She wouldn’t lie about that.” “I know her.” “I know she’s suffering.”

Repeatedly with the “her life is at risk.” “I’m defending someone who’s not doing well.” “Someone’s life is more important than your feelings.” “Put your feelings to the side.” “So a humans life isn’t important to you?” “We just don’t see this the same.” “I wouldn’t be mad at you if the rolls were reversed.”

Detail: she has done something like this before.

I cannot understand why this situation was handled like this. Why he had to physically insert himself in this situation, why he couldn’t take a step back and not get involved when it’s not his place anymore? Where is the line drawn? Am I being oblivious?

By the way, im not a heartless person. I know mental health and assault is incredibly serious. The events/behaviors just don’t seem to be lining up, and I am confused on if my boundaries are valid or not. Maybe..in this shitstorm, am I the asshole? Am I crazy? What do I even make of this? If you read to the end, thanks.