Professional Quidditch: Puddlemere Harry is getting shagged by Ballycastle Bats coach, their rival team

It's totally a ploy to render their ace player useless on important game nights! 😩

"I am going to fuck you so hard, Potter... that you're not going to be able to ride your broom at tomorrow's game," Snape growls into Harry's ear.

Harry shudders with a thrill of excitement.

"I'll take your cock and still win tomorrow," he challenges.

Draco bursts in on his coach, demanding an answer, "What do you mean you're shagging the ace of our RIVAL TEAM?! HARRY POTTER? COACH, REALLY?"

Snape coughs up his sandwich.

It blows up into a huge scandal. 🎉

Skeeter asks Snape if the reason Puddlemere lost the game to Ballycastle Bats on Friday has anything to do with his association with him, and Snape just smirks.

"Perhaps Potter overstretched and came unprepared."

"Nowhere in my contract does it say I'm not allowed to sleep with the coach of another team."

"HARRY"

You can find more vignettes here and here on this twitter thread (or here and here if you don't have twitter)--or I'll just post a few highlights in the comments.