Jayvik nation, I have something to contribute it’s a short something I wrote

First of all it’s gonna be a bit angsty, also trigger warning the sentences are a bit... long, that’s kinda my style (I just can’t shut up y’know) If something seems a bit off (English englishn’t, spelling, grammar) the reason for that is that English is not my first language (I kid you not it took me five tries to figure out how to write dying… )*face pans aggressively* *has now a red handprint on her face* One of the things I’m quite bad at is punctuation, try not to mind it if there’s some of these “,” (I genuinely don’t know what there called, I mean I know in my first language they’re Kommata or Kommas, but that would be to easy right? Right? Pls don’t tell me I’m that dense and didn’t notice it’s the same word) missing, or in places where the don’t really make sense, alright I think I’ll shut up now and let you read the actual text I’ve been yapping about, do let me know what you think about it, and maybe correct some of the potential striking errors. Oh, almost forgot to mention I haven’t finished arcane yet, I am currently on season two and was on I think season one episode 6 or something when I wrote the jayvik-very-short-but-not-exactly-one-shot-and-actually-not-that-short-fic-thingy, so the point I’m trying to make is maybe don’t majorly spoil me, also I think it’s helpful for context of why I wrote it the way I did. Alright I’ll shut up now (this time for reeeeal (I’ve fallen in love oho, god knows, god knows I want to SHUT UP)) *puts some gafa tape on her mouth and mumbles something* *keeps mumbling* *humming I want to break free and mixing the text up with under pressure (dumbadadumbadumdum, under pressure)* *now she’s humming under pressure*

Tldr; I wrote something, enjoy:

Viktor knew he was gonna die, he’d known for quite some time. He wasn’t sad about it, he’d made peace with it, or so he told himself. He really was a burden after all, he’d always known and sometimes he thought it was a good thing that he was about to die, so he wouldn’t be a burden to anyone anymore. However there was still a glimpse of hope left within his chest, like a tiny flame not much more than embers and even though it was so small that even the slightest breeze would extinguish it, it still didn’t seem to go out, the tiny flame of hope just didn’t die out and Viktor hated it. He hated that he still had some hope left of miraculously surviving the illness that seemed to eat him from the inside, he hated that the flame would burn just a bit brighter ever time he looked into Jace’s eyes, hated that because of him his will to live just didn’t die. He hated these emotions that would flare up, every time that boy was near. He’d started to hate himself for falling for Jace, he knew his feelings would just be yet another burden on the boys shoulders. And so he kept the flame as small as he could, even though it hurt. It stung even thinking that there would be a time where he’d no longer see Jace’s smile, he didn’t want to leave him. So even though it hurt he kept the flame alive just barely enough to not just end it, because he wanted to see this smile, even if it was just one more day. This situation was rather difficult for him, it wasn’t like the calculations that had one way of solving them, this situation had multiple ways it could go, however none of them seemed right.

One night, Viktor had drunk quite a bit of Vodka, which he normally wouldn’t, solving problems required being sober, but he did anyways because it didn’t matter. This specific problem that revolved around a specific boy didn’t seem to have a solution. He felt a bit tipsy, his surrounding blurry and spinning, he slid down a wall grabbed the nearest paper and a pen and then he began to write, it wasn’t much, a few words at best, but right now it felt like so much more.

When he woke up he heard a familiar voice, he wanted to tell Jace about his feelings anyway, might as well make it quick. So he got up grabbing his cane, limping towards the voice as if it was the light to the end of his tunnel, then he stopped, when he recognised another voice, heard familiar laughter and saw how the eyes of the woman with the golden freckles looked at Jace and he knew, Viktor knew that his plan was doomed from the start. He quickly turned around, they didn’t seem to have noticed him. Good. He would just disappear into his room, get some sleep and put this pathetic piece of paper where it belonged. The trash. A sudden burst of anger flooded him, how could he have ever believed he’d stood a chance, angrily he threw paper away and as he hid around a corner tears started to fill his eyes, he didn’t stop them, watched them falling to the ground as his vision became blurry. He didn’t remember when he last cried, it must have been a really long time, he’d learned to contain them, learned to distract himself, but right now the emotions came crushing down on him, and he was again but a pathetic child, he was but a burden.

Jace felt familiar hands wrap around his eyes, as he noticed the familiar smell, suddenly the weight from knowing his best friend and partner was about to die, seemed to have been lifted of his shoulders. A wide grin formed on his face as he turned around and looked at the face covered in golden freckles. Mel. These days his worries always seemed to disappear around her. They chatted and giggled and did all the things lovers do, for once he felt like a normal boy, he hadn’t felt like that in a while but she seemed to always give him that feeling and he was thankful to her. When the last rays of the dying sun kissed their faces, she gave him a kiss goodbye and went home. He wanted to stay a bit longer and so he strolled through the streets, as they became quieter by the hour, during the day these streets were bustling with life, now they’ve grown empty, slowly the lights where getting dimmed until the dark sky wrapped the city in its starry arms. He looked upon the stars in awe and in the silence he thought about Viktor, again. Every time he was alone, these thoughts came crawling back to him, like a flame that just didn’t want to go out.

He shook his head, Jace knew he should have buried these feelings long ago, it was healthier for him to just move on and find someone else be could share these feelings with, he knew that and he’d convinced himself that it was best this way, but on nights like these, when he was alone with his thoughts, he couldn’t help but hope there was a way for… he didn’t dare thinking this thought to the end.

A breeze gently swept across the streets, caressing his feet, and then he heard a rustling noice, it wasn’t a particularly loud noise, usually it would have been barely noticeable and had it not been this quiet, Jace wouldn’t have noticed it. But he did, in the silence the rustling sound had something of a gun shot, piercing through the air. Suddenly the calm atmosphere of nightfall destroyed, ruined what should have been a stroll in peace and silence and the stars didn’t seem to care. Their cold gazes were resting on him, as if they were judges dealing with his demise. Fate was a cruel creature. Had Jace not noticed the rustling that night, had he not wanted to stay in the city, maybe he could have been happy. But fate had other plans and so the tiny crumbled piece of paper that was carelessly tossed on the ground caught his attention. He began to unwrap it and with reading this few words he unravelled a truth that better should have stayed hidden. “Please forget me,” it read, and Jace immediately recognised the writing before the words had made their way into his consciousness “as I don’t want to be any more burden to you than I already am, I would have loved to never have to say this, but I owe these words to you, you ought to know about this. Shall I not be able to tell you in person, this letter will hold these words, this confession. I am selfish for putting yet another burden on you, but I have to tell you: Jace, I love you.”

A single drop touched the paper, soon after another followed, the time between the teardrops began to shrink as they came down Jace’s cheeks forming a staccato. His very conflicted feelings seemed to tear him apart, because the boy he believed to be a friend was more than that, so much more.

And Jace loved him too.