I feel like I’m never gonna be loved

A few weeks ago I reconnected with one of my exes, we ended in a very catastrophic way (he cut me off abruptly and I split really bad). He reached out to me to apologize/talk about everything and rekindle. Everything was going great but one day we scheduled a hangout, it ended up not happening bc he was asleep the entire day and during that time I kinda freaked out(I wasn’t violent or aggressive but still very emotional and was blowing his phone up) he felt like my reaction was over the top and I apologized and ended up being very open and vulnerable with him about my BPD. I thought explaining and getting him to understand me more would be a good thing that lead to growth and more effective communication. But last night he told me he thought abt it for a while and he felt like the more he knew about me and understood me the less interested he was in staying in contact with me, thus ending our connection once again. I don’t blame him completely but it still hurts knowing that letting ppl know more abt the real me drives them away. It makes me feel like I’m always gonna be too much for anyone to experience real love. It still hurts really bad and idk what to do with myself or how to cope. But it just feels so shitty. And what hurts the most is the fact that he just dropped that bomb so casually and disappeared. I tried to stay mature and composed abt it but he never responded to any of my texts after that. I’m trying not to spiral or split but idk what else to say my chest hurts so bad. I just feel so unloveable right now