here to vent but also advice/opinions welcomed - feeling like a dead bedroom

My BF (39) is bipolar. Our relationship has never been super stable (until we moved in together a lot changed). He always instilled a lot of chaos, trauma, cheating, lies, etc into the mix. It was exhausting and we did break up at one point.

He's also never been sober but still takes his medication regularly. Back in August he added a new medication. Our sex life has completely changed. We used to have sex every day, sometimes multiple times a day and where our emotional connection can be lacking due to his mood shifts, our physical kept us together. Now, he is a very quiet person as it is and likes to game and honestly be alone so our connection struggles with the lack of emotional effort there is. He hardly hits my emotional needs but also, he never hears me on what I like to do for quality time. He is indeed a selfish person but again, I am okay with that because I don't want to change him.

Long story short, he explained that his meds are working and his sexual impulsivity and his libido are non existent. I love that for him. I love that for our relationship and the peace it has brought. But our bedroom feels dead. He doesn't come to bed with me and stays up super late. He hardly ever initiates even a kiss... he used to wrap me in his arms and that hardly happens now too. I feel like for how long our relationship has been... I feel so selfish now dealing with the emotions on my end of feeling just overall disheartened and abandoned by any sort of intimacy. If we do have sex it is MAYBE 1x a week (which I know is still something) but it isn't passionate anymore. It is so one sided on him getting head and throwing me in doggie (TMI) but there is zero focus on me. But what is weird is he seems COMPLETELY uninterested in me. I am trying to tell myself he is telling me it is the medication but I just feel disheartened and wondered if any other SO's have dealt with a med adjustment like this. He also is a porn addict and still watches porn, even if he isn't hard or he tells me he doesn't finish masturbating. My past traumas with him are being very triggered on the "what if he is lying and just cheating on me" mentality. I am trying to harness all of the trauma therapy I've been in due to what our relationship has gone through but I feel at a loss.

I don't miss the chaos. But I miss us feeling close. I know feelings come and go but I am struggling to understand such a huge behavior change after years of being together and wondering if it can be normal. I don't want to invalidate what he is saying to me and I try to support but when I bring up my needs he tells me he hates himself for not being able to meet them and he tells me that feeling can trigger his episodes too...

Edited to add: My man refuses to be in therapy. He doesn't believe he needs help and he can fix it on his own with recreational drugs and he is an alcoholic.