was it sa/grooming?

hi everyone. ivve recently started looking back at my childhood and im feeling really disgusted and confused. my father has npd and he's been psychologically abusive to both me and my mom. a lot of stuff happened that would be considered manipulation and covert incest but i really need to make sure what he did was sa or perhaps grooming. maybe im thinking too much and going crazy and he didnt really mean that.. im almost 20f and after everything that happened in my family, i feel very repulsed towards my father and uncomfortable around him while still loving him. im actually stuck in a stockholm syndrome because of him.

but yeah moving to the stuff i consider sa but im not 100% sure, i might just be crazy and try to make it up.. so we'd lay together in bed while watching tv, i was maybe 9-11 and he'd take a nap at some point. he'd spoon me, his chest touched my back and his hands were on my waist, he'd tangle his legs with mine too. and even tho he was sleeping i could feel his genitals against me. it made me feel gross and super weird but i stayed silent. i had to kiss him on the lips until i was 18. he didnt exactly forced me physically but if i didn't peck his lips he'd get angry or say i didnt love him. i remember one time he'd lazily rub his thumb over my upper thigh near the edge of my shorts and i was around 10-12 at that time. i dont think he even noticed but it made my stomach drop and it was so uncomfortable. he made me choose him over my mom. i had to say "i love you most" and call him "the best daddy ever" in order to keep him happy. he made my mom sleep at the foot of the bed while i was sleeping in bed with him. he basically had chosen me many times over my mom. since i was a child i had to call him daddy and i never could call him dad. even now i call him daddy tho i try to not refer to him as anything because otherwise he'd get mad at me if i called him dad. later when i was 17, even 18 when i was insecure about being slightly thicker he'd say that "men like fuller hips". he called me a pretty chic once and commented on how big my boobs were (i had a push up on, im generally flat and he knows im slightly insecure about it). he'd compliment my looks many times and i think thats just wholesome idk but he once said that if he were younger he'd want to date someone like me. he'd put his hand on my thigh while driving a car and i just sat like that. he basically separated me from my mom and made me his property. when i wore short skirts or more revealing tops he'd always say that im trying to get attention and imply that im dressing like a slut. he objectified me i think. i was forced to perform love like an actress. i had to run from the other side of the house to hug him when he bought me a toy. i had to draw him pictures like a toddler until i was 15 whenever he was coming back from work to 'greet' him like that. when i didnt draw it once when i was 13 he's got mad at me and just made me cry. when i got my first period he was furious that he wasn't the first one to know because i actually called my mom first. as a kid i had electra complex, i was disgusted with myself.

there was much more stuff that happened but for now i just wanted to make sure if it was sa or not.. i feel like im losing my mind trying to figure out if it was normal or not. thank you sm for any insight