too much of a slut to be a lover, too much of a lover to be a slut.

I've only ever had three relationships in my whole life, and even then i had to pursuit them. each of them took a small piece of me, now i cant find it in my heart to open up to another.

the thing is? i want to be railed like, every day. i want someone whos going to leave me shaking. someone whos so attracted to me they cant help but just take me whenever they want.

but id also like to have times where we just ...idk, cuddle? what do people in relationships do? long walks on the beach and all that other fru fru stuff.

i just wish i didnt have to keep searching, searching for someone who's gonna be attracted to someone as hideous as i am. so attracted they're just overwhelmed by it. like i know they're not going to just fall in my lap but im so sick of looking i want to be the one looked at for once...

ive never had someone make me cum, either. maybe i just dont deserve it for being so fat and ugly....oh well.

dont really know why im posting this, just wanting to get my thoughts out there lol.