I love this girl but I don’t love the other one I’m seeing.

Okay so for privacy reasons let’s call the one I actually like Jen and the one I don’t like Joey. I’ve known Jen since I was in elementary school. We fell out contact for some years during high school and recently we found ourselves reconnecting. She’s amazing. She is kind and beautiful and smart and WAY funnier than me. Now it’s been said that I have looks? I don’t know if that narcissistic but it’s important to the story here.I’ve dated 9 people in total ( 19 btw for context) so getting a girlfriend was easy because all throughout highschool women would actually just walk up to me and ask. I never pursued anyone ever. It’s not that I didn’t want to it’s just that it happened so often I never really had to? If that makes sense? and although it isn’t a great resume it makes me know that Jen is someone I actually might be in love with. I’ve felt affection before and intimacy and nice words but this is different. I know because I didn’t want it at first. After all actual love is learning to let yourself be completely vulnerable with someone and that is scary. So I tried to push it away but it never ceased. I started dreaming about her. And I caught myself actually being vulnerable around her. I want her to be vulnerable with me and I want to get to know her more and more and have her in my life. And here comes Joey, before me and Jen reconnected I made the VERY unpopular decision to download hinge. The 2nd circle of digital hell. And while I was on it I went on a few dates and ended up hitting it off with Joey! She’s sweet, dorky and fun! But I never felt this feeling before Jen. Not with Joey or any of my other ex’s. I don’t stutter around her and I don’t nervously over jell my hair in a panic when I hear she’s coming over. Or write love songs on violin inspired by her. Me and Joey have been talking for a few months and I am such a coward. I want to break it off so bad but I feel awful about the thought of it. I was always dumped in every single relationship and that does something to your social boundaries or braveries. I’ve never actually broke it off with someone before and I know I should just be honest but how??? Say “oh yeah sorry Joey I reconnected with my crush from elementary school and now I’m head over heels for her”. I know what the answer is. Take the leap, if you love this girl and deal with this through honesty and bravery it will eventually be okay. And that what I want to do. It’s just hard. I’m posting this because maybe a few words of wisdom or truth or, fuck even detestation might help me. As I wrote this I’m now wondering if it’s important for me to do this on my own? Will I be better for it if I don’t ask for help and just bite the bullet? I might just need someone to calm my nerves I don’t know.