I'm so lonely. Don't know what to do. I'm lost.

I (mtf) just need to communicate my thoughts, going to be a lot of word vomit.

I transitioned more than two years ago. I do not feel like I pass, but I haven't been explicitly misgendered in over a year. I suppose I am somewhat attractive. I am basing that purely on external feedback.

I was in a friend group of 5 people (1 nb and 3 guys), and then me. One lives far away. I firmly believe that none of them are bigots. Just before transitioning, myself, the nb person and 1 guy moved into an apartment together. When I originally came out, they all seemed to support me well, correct names and pronouns, verbal support etc. When I got to about 1 year in my transition, I began to date the guy in the apt.

Then one of the friends, really seemed to dial back interacting with me, subtly. Anytime we were in person, all was normal enough. Based on that and some other small evidence, I believe he liked me and got annoyed that I started dating the other guy.

Then, the nb person. They have a gf. Fine, great. All good. Once they moved out, I barely hear from them. They act normal in real life but it's all shallow platitudes, as if we didn't live together for years. I swear it's the gf, I believe she is both jeleous of their interacting with me, and is "lightly" transphobic. She doesn't know her partner is nb (can of worms I know). My nb friend also completely forgot my birthday, and never remembered... Never messages me, nothing.

So here I am now. I'm dating a guy who was once my friend. Two of them basically act like I don't exist, and the other lives far away. I sometimes communicate with him by sending memes back and forth, that's it.

So. I basically ONLY have my boyfriend. I have no friends. I'm in my mid 20s, can't make friends. I work a full time job, hate waking up everyday. Loathe the state of the country. Half of my family doesn't talk to me. I'm poor af.

I know I'll get DMs telling me it'll be okay or offering to be my friend, but it's not enough. I need real friends who I can trust and feel safe with. I feel like I'm drowning and nobody even cares. I've had therapy, I think therapy is good. Therapy can't fix this.

My bf is a great guy, but for very valid reasons he's behind in life. He doesn't have a license. And there are other things like that. I don't know what to do. He doesn't understand, and it's weird because they're all still on great terms with him.

What am I supposed to do? I get up everyday and go to a job I hate, I come home and barely have any time. On my time off I never do anything because I have no friends. I'm poor, and I'm never going to own a house or have financial stability.

Why am even alive, what kind of life is this? And the worst part is, I have it better than most trans people. I, for now, have access to hrt, I haven't been hatecrimed, I get gendered correctly. I'm fed and clothed. I could be living in squalor like many others.

I just don't know. I am just so sad. I'm so depressed and angry and desperate and nobody is going to save me. This is all there is.