not sure how to remember the dad that didn't raise me

in a few days it will be 12 years since my dad died, and i still don't know how to remember him. he died when i was 13, and my parents were divorced since i was a baby and then he moved many states away. my mom always told me my dad was not a good person and so i grew up not caring about him. when he died, i remember saying that i didn't care (because i thought he never cared about me). i have one really early memory from age 3 or 4 of my mom putting me on the phone to say the ABCs to him. that is my first and last memory.

as an adult, i found out that my dad was a writer and had work published online. i go and read it sometimes when i'm feeling sentimental, but i feel like there's no other way to remember him. i still have complicated feelings about him, because he didn't raise me and didn't leave my mom and i any money when he died, and i am not in contact with his side of the family at all. my mom doesn't know i grieve my dad. a few years ago on the death anniversary, i broke down silently to my partner because i didn't want my mom to ask why i was crying. i think it's just something we don't talk about.

i really have no idea what to do here on other than read his work and look at the one picture i have of him holding me as a baby. i read from his writings and archived forums he posted in that he loved breaking bad and doctor who, but i know absolutely nothing else. i don't know what food he liked, what movies he watched, what songs he listened to. i don't know if he liked being out in nature or staying inside. i just need some advice.