So gross

You know what sucks? Building a whole friendship with someone, making all these memories, laughing, trusting them, feeling safe around them and then finding out that if you’d given them the chance, they would’ve slept with you. Not because they genuinely liked you like that. Not because they valued you in that way. Just because the opportunity was there. Literally just to get their dick wet.

That feels gross.

It makes me question everything. Did you ever really see me as a friend, or was I just someone you thought, “If I wait long enough, maybe I’ll get my chance”?

It’s weird hearing the things he’s told other people about me. I already hate being perceived, so the idea that someone could be saying things about me and I have no idea what they are saying or who they are saying it to makes me anxious.

It’s just unsettling to think I was friends with someone for years who may not have seen me the same way. I never thought I’d be in a position where I’d look back at a friendship and feel weird about it. Now I’m replaying things in my head and that makes me uncomfortable.

I’m way too embarrassed to really talk to someone about this and how it makes me feel. I’ll get over it eventually, it’s just annoying, that’s all.