I quit cold turkey and I don’t really want to go back on

This is kind of like a journal entry. I’ve been off it for I think 6 days now, maybe a full week, and it’s been interesting. I take 60mg. My mood has improved a little bit. 1st day was lack of focus, I can’t remember the side effects of the 2nd day, 3rd day was dizziness/brain zaps, 4th day and onward has been elevated mood at the risk of also having elevated suicidal thoughts, random bouts of pure anger, and random moments of loss of appetite (I nearly went an entire day without eating and didn’t realize). I find myself not needing as much sleep as I normally do (nothing drastic, just a couple hours less). I can find myself having racing thoughts but I feel more aware of things I guess. Normally I’d be so anxious alllll the time because of news, news, news. Yes, the news still makes me anxious but it’s not as bad. Like I’ll feel the tightness of my chest and the anxiety trying to break through but it just doesn’t that much anymore. Like I’ll have random moments where I’ll feel panic and on the verge of an anxiety attack but it goes away, eventually. I feel like I’m losing my sense of sympathy/empathy. That, or I’m just unfortunately desensitized to how despicable this administration is. I’ve also noticed I’ll randomly switch from suicidal to thinking about the future. I’ll go from “I really don’t see the point to this. I want this all to be over. Is it just work until we die?” to “What should I study so I can live comfortably?” Like a pendulum.

Is it weird that I don’t really want to go back on it? I was finally able to get my refill on the 5th or 6th day but I don’t want to take it. I almost feel like I’m living in my own world and it feels.. kinda nice. I really do hate the world we live in and how unfair it is.