One decision. A lifetime of consequences.

It's been a week since i've realized. I feel numb, i feel like i should be losing my mind but i am just blank. I dont think it's hit me how much my life just changed. I feel like i've completely thrown away all of my potential. Everyone has this grand love life they planned out for themselves in their head whenever they day dream, now it's just blank. Every time i laugh now, it's dimmed. I cant look at an attractive girl without knowing that now, i never stand a chance. Hopefully by God's grace i can find a partner that has it as well. It's like a bad joke, i am very blessed by success in business at 28 years old and frequently sought after by women, but now i have this secret that nobody can know about. I won't bother dating or hooking up normally anymore, i just do not believe that i can find a girl that i typically pursue that would accept me after disclosing, even if i did find someone i'm not sure that i would want to be in a relationship and always be concerned about passing it to my partner. I've scrolled for hours through every single possible hsv dating website to desperately try to meet someone that i might be interested in that is going through the same thing and it just seems hopeless. This is karma though, i dont blame anyone but myself, this is the price i am paying for my lust. I want to be mad at the girl i met on vacation that gave it to me then blocked me directly after, but i think this is just karma doing its thing. Just goes to show how one tiny decision can completely change the directory of your life, for better, or for worse. I'm trying to look for any positives, maybe this had to happen to realize i had an issue and change my ways and not let lust control my life, or maybe i do end up meeting someone with the same issues as i and she turns out to be the one. Doubtful.

I refuse to talk to anyone i know about this, so just venting here.