schizotypal personality disorder

i think maybe i have schizotypal personality disorder, and not schizoaffective disorder bipolar type

i don’t know about bipolar. i’ve been depressed for the last while, i know that’s apart of it but i feel like my previous episodes of hypomania could also be explained by a general erratic personality, lack of sleep and who knows what else, i definitely have some affective instability. this post is just for me to get out my thoughts. i might want to bring this up to my psychiatrist next time i see her, did anybody else go from a diagnosis of SZ/A to StPD?

i’ve had a few major psychotic episodes in my life, but i seem to have always had a schizotypal baseline. i *always* experienced magical thinking and paranoia, without any other indicators of being in psychosis. throughout my childhood and adolescence, i always felt like things had special meaning for me, things were connected, i had very strong OCD-like traits in early childhood, i felt like my parents were going to kill me, then in high school i would avoid my friends cause i thought they were trying to lure me out to kill me. i like being alone because i feel safe, but i don’t feel safe anyway, i live in a caravan and i always feel like i’m one second away from being towed in my sleep, i have historically struggled with sleep a lot because of thoughts about being vulnerable to attacks.

i was a flat earther when i was a teenager, my family thinks that i must be autistic because i appear very flat and they think that i’m weird. in primary school, i was always told my friends are going to leave me cause i am so weird. i deal with ideas of reference constantly, i deal with a lot of hyperreligiousity that my psychiatrist thinks is schizo or sometimes manic in nature, but i think i’m just susceptible to receiving signs.