We’ve been at this for 5 months and I’m losing my mind

We started oh crap with my son when he was 33 months in October. It’s been a rollercoaster, and while we’ve made progress we are still nowhere near potty trained and dealing with frequent regressions and I’m breaking. He’s 3 + 2 months now.

Sometimes he’ll go a couple weeks without accidents, or very few. And then we will regress and have multiple per day. He’s having both pee and poop accidents. His poop is soft and he goes twice a day regularly so he’s not constipated. He goes to daycare and the accidents are extra bad there- they say he’s busy and won’t stop playing to go to the potty, or just outright refuses bathroom breaks. I’m washing several sets of clothes and shoes every single night and I just can’t mentally do it anymore. Nearly every time we leave the house to go for a play somewhere he poops his pants and it makes me not even want to leave the house anymore with him. He poops or pees his pants and generally doesn’t care, he just keeps playing.

He’s had no big changes in his life but I’m about to return to work full time from a year of maternity leave and mentally I don’t think I’ll be able to handle the frustration and the nightly poop laundry anymore.

I feel like we’ve tried everything but there’s gotta be something missing. We’ve tried pantless at home (at home isn’t quite as bad as daycare, but still occasionally has accidents, usually poop), rewards, bribes. Nothing lands. He usually has to be forced to go to the potty at all and that’s if we catch his cues.

I don’t know what to do. I’m considering a reset and just putting him in pull-ups for daycare to curb the constant gross laundry, doing commando at home. But I’m worried the pull-ups will just reinforce going in his pants because they’re so similar to a diaper. It’s been 5 long months and I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel here and I’ve shed way too many tears over potty training. Help.