I think i’m trying to get a hands free orgasm wrong??

So like i’ve been doing anal for a large chunk of my life (18 now started at like 12ish) and like my dildo is about 10 inches long and another one is closer to 12. istg i’ll have extremely pleasurable anal where i’ll squirm and leak but as much as ive tried the “closest” ive ever gotten was what i thought could’ve been it but i just got a intensity spike and started peeing uncontrollably?? and like i just gotta know, am i going to deep?? am i too used to anal? i don’t even feel the sigamoid aside from when i start?? i just like I NEED THISS AND I NEED HELP PLEASE