I’m sick of my partners constant legal trouble and want to leave.

I’ve been trying to post in r/relationshipadvice but it keeps getting taken down for some reason so will try here. First time posting sorry for the long length of this!

My partner and I (M/F, 30) have been together for four years. Our relationship started beautifully; they are respectful, responsible, and the chemistry has been undeniable from day 1. I also get along wonderfully with their child from a previous relationship. For a long time, I truly believed I’d found the total package.

As in any fairytale, trouble was around the corner and we’ve faced significant hurdles:

• Family Conflict: My community looks down on single parenthood. My family refused to give their blessing, and because their support really matters to me, cutting them out was not an option and instead I kept the relationship a secret while waiting for the right time to reintroduce them.

• Long-term Unemployment: Just as I was ready to come clean to my family, my partner was laid off. I figured I’d wait until they were back on their feet. One year became two. I watched them go from hopeful to angry and defeated after thousands of applications led to barely any interviews, even for jobs they were highly overqualified for. Eventually they found a job that they’re now in, but it took years. It spoke more to the market climate rather than their talents

• Legal Troubles: During this low point, they were arrested. I’ve learned the situation is much more serious than I initially thought… although this happened some time ago, it has still not been brought in front of a court yet. When it does (hopefully in the next few months but let’s see), they might even face jail time depending on the judges leniency (could be anywhere from 2 days to 6 months). Again, this spoke more to a stupid decision made during a depressive episode, and not necessarily a repeat pattern of bad decisions.

The stress has fundamentally changed our dynamic. The depressive period brought out a whole new side of them, mainly angry and resentful at the world. We now argue constantly, specifically about politics and worldviews; it feels like we are no longer on the same page. If they go to jail, even if for 2 days, they will lose their job and we’ll be back at square one. Jail time might also mean a refreshed custody battle. At this point it feels unfair that every hand they are dealt in life is a tough one and a new surprise.

I’m exhausted. For several years I put my life on hold for their multiple unique situations, but I want a family of my own very soon, and I cant see a clear path to that right now, let alone introducing them to my family under these circumstances. My partner seems to sense my current dilemma as they know how traditional my family is. I feel guilty even considering leaving when they need support, but I also have to think about my own future, I’m worried this cycle will never end. Since day 1 I’ve stood by multiple custody cases, a child support case and now this. Walking away seems like the only option that gets my life unfrozen and back on track but in my head, you don’t do that to the person you love. As much as I love them, I keep coming back to the idea of “right person, terrible timing”. What would you do in this situation?

TL;DR

My long term partner has faced years of unemployment, depression, and is now facing potential jail time from a pending court decision . Our relationship has deteriorated due to constant arguments and opposing values. I’m exhausted from the constant legal trouble they seem to have and worried about my own future/family goals, but I feel guilty for considering leaving