Just need to share this

So I’m a 24m, still live at home, don’t have a social life apart from playing sport, I work as a waiter, I’m introverted and more shy, and I’m just feel so frustrated, lonely, sad, maybe a bit depressed in my life.

So like I said I have no friends to hang out with socially, for most of my life I’ve never had that and never had a true friend I relate to well enough to be able to talk about anything and be more vulnerable. I’ve never dated either never had a partner or experienced any of that so with all of that and no friends I’m yearning for a connection so badly and I feel so alone and frustrated.

I’m also frustrated with work, I don’t want to show up to work at all, I’ve been in this job for 5-6months now, I’ve never liked working for a boss, being told where I have to be when I just hate it, i have goals and dreams but I feel they’re so distant. I want to work for myself, I do digital art as a self taught hobby, sometimes it feels so hard everything feels hard.

I am a shy quiet guy and it’s ironic working at a restaurant, but when I’m feeling down and not enjoying my life at all it’s so hard to show a smile at work and be happy. I have dreams to travel but I have no one to do that with, I’m anxious about travelling, I’m anxious to do things alone, I don’t have a car and living at home I just don’t feel Independent.

With relationships too I yearn for love and connection, to be seen, but love and dating and relationships has never felt normal to me, it’s never come easy and I hate it, it’s so hard seeing it come normal to others but for me it’s just something I can’t comprehend.

About my self I do keep fit playing sport and I was in a workout routine from home but now I’m just doing pushups everyday at the moment. I try to get outside a little bit but mostly I’m in my room just working on my art or scrolling on my phone, just thinking and waiting for my next work shift of the night to creep up. I stay up to 1-2am because I like my own time and I don’t want the next day to come where I have to do it all again.