He’s here and it was all worth it!

It’s taken me nearly 12 weeks to make this post, but after a miscarriage 18 months ago, I am now holding my beautiful baby boy.

Pregnancy was full of anxiety for me. From terrible nausea, pelvic pain, low progesterone, a short cervix scare,multiple reduced movement scares and my general anxiety, I didn’t find any part of it easy.

Every day of pregnancy I was convinced something was wrong and there was no way I would end up with my rainbow baby but I was wrong. Those thoughts were not windows into the future but just my anxious mind. At every milestone, every time I told someone about the pregnancy, or after a scan or after viability week or after our baby moon or baby shower I thought ‘it’s too good to be true’ or ‘I’ve celebrated too much and now it will be taken from me’. But yet again I was wrong.

If you’re in the thick of it, I want you to know that your thoughts are just that, thoughts, not truths. If you’re finding it hard mentally at the moment know that that is okay, and in fact I would say, normal. But it doesn’t mean that this will end badly.

The first few weeks of motherhood were also hard on me. I didn’t feel the connection straight away. After all the anxiety of pregnancy I couldn’t connect the way I wanted to with my baby. Cue the guilt and sadness. But slowly, day by day, I have connected more and more with my little boy and now, at 12 weeks old, he is the absolute light of my life.

My little boy, Finn, is the most beautiful, happy, healthy, joyful baby. I feel so lucky to have him in my life and I hope for all of you that your little ray of sunshine is just around the corner. Just hold on a little longer. Soon your baby will be here and it will all be worth it 🌈