How it feels to be raised by a selfish single mother.

I'm being raised by my mother. My father passed away when I was 7 and now I'm 17. As a growing child I was told by my mother you should do your things by yourself. At first I believed it and listened to her but, when I reached 13, things changed. I was insulted and literally bullied by my mother. At the time if she had any work, she would call me and wear that sweet 'ideal' person mask. When I was no use, she used to insult me like I was someone who don't belong to her and my sister. She told me to leave house and go to my grandparents house, and used to blame me and my grandparents for my father's death. She only gave money to necessity but at what cost, I want to die. My mother and my sister tortured me. They only care because I'm a boy and in future I will give money to them. Her words directly attack to my heart. I just wanted a person to share all my emotions to, but no one is there.