Too old? And other weird things

When I look at teenage femboys, I feel like I don’t really fit into that community. I’m old (23 years old, although a cashier once asked me for my age, OwO), often serious, I don’t go out much, and I tend to isolate myself and read books, and honestly, I don’t mind that! But it’s the contrast that bothers me. When I see femboys on TikTok, they seem to be bursting with life! Meanwhile I feel more like that life is slowly draining out of me :<
I also really dislike how sexualized femboys are. I don’t want to be seen as some kind of pervert. At the same time, it makes me think that maybe I wasted my youth. I mean, I grew up in a fairly conservative home, my father could start an argument with me over something as small as wanting to wear sweatpants instead of jeans. I was also quite withdrawn back then. I had conservative views myself and never really had that phase of discovering myself, experimenting with my appearance, and things like that.

And where are these thoughts coming from? Honestly, I’m just nervous. I’m planning to go out for a walk as a femboy on Saturday, and I’m simply anxious about it, even though I probably shouldn’t be. When I once went out wearing a choker and fairly alternative clothes, nobody actually beat me up or anything.