Labels are stressful

This is gonna be a longgg vent. Honestly im doing this to organize my thoughts and better understand myself and hope maybe someone out there like me has not had a linear sexual identity experience.

Sometimes I really feel so much pressure to fit under a label. Recently I've just decided to identify as queer and thats it.

It has been a very strange journey for me with a whole lot of ups and downs. As a child, despite not knowing what it was, I had an attraction to females, but also had male celebrity crushes. Once I started learning about sexuality I realized I was bisexual and identified with that for years and years. When I had my first relationship with a woman (after having one with a man) I felt that being lesbian resonated more with me. But when that ended I started having male celebrity crushes again and no longer felt i was lesbian but was bi again. From there on out I didnt have much success with women (and still don't! It seems I attract more men than women) and yall...after dating multiple men I actually thought maybe I wasnt even attracted to women anymore. That changed a couple months later. I sorta had a gay reawakening if you will (shoutout to Naomi Scott in Smile 2).

Before that reawakening I had an extremely traumatic relationship with a man that left me with PTSD. And that trauma would carry with me through every other man I saw casually afterwards. Only after that trauma did I feel such a sense of disgust and hatred in myself for being with a man in anyway, and before doing some serious inner healing work, I thought that meant I was lesbian again.

While I am very much more attracted to women, there are men that I am attracted to (once again, famous people who are entirely unattainable). And I am also attracted to anybody in between. As of right now I am not dating by choice and am working on myself and my dreams and aspirations. But quite honestly, it feels so much more freeing to just be queer as opposed to bi or pan or whatever. I just like who I like. That makes more sense to me than anything else and I think that's valid. If a label fits you and makes you feel free, I love that for you. For me personally, that's just not my story. And that is okay.

Anyways, rant over. If anybody even reads this, thanks. This was very therapeutic lol.