I cheated on my now ex boyfriend with a man from Reddit, and I still feel guilty to this day.

I’m 25 now, but when I was 23 I had been in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend for 4 years. Things were getting stale. We were arguing constantly, I was clearly losing feelings for him, but didn’t know it/couldn’t admit it to myself because it was my first relationship and I had never experienced that before.

I did what any crazy person would do and I turned to Reddit. I ended up meeting a guy who was 13 years older than me. We quickly stated chatting and developed an intense internet connection. We would text constantly and have phone calls lasting hours. We’d exchange photos (dirt and non dirty) and we would talk a lot about sex… facepalm…

My boyfriend never found out. We ended up breaking up about 8 months into me sexting this reddit guy, for unrelated reasons. Well of course somewhat related, but it wasn’t because of the cheating. Our relationship had ended even before I started messaging the guy on reddit.

It’s now been a bit over a year since ex bf and I broke up, and I still feel guilty for how this all happened. I know this is going to sound like BS, but It was truly out of character for me. I am normally a nice, kind, and level headed person so I sometimes have moments where I can’t believe I actually did something so shady. I would NEVER do this again.

The problem now is that I actually did develop a strong friendship with the guy I cheated with and he’s still in my life. After my ex and I broke up, he and I decided to meet in person. And we have since met up multiple times I talk to him frequently still, and he is a decent guy. I hate myself for this because it was wrong, and I feel like I’m in a tough spot. It’s my fault, not looking for sympathy. I just don’t like how the constant reminder is there of what I did to my ex. I’m able to separate it a lot now, but it feels crazy to have this weird long distance texting relationship with a man I cheated on my ex with. What the fuck should I even do?