How do I not hate my parents 19M

I’m struggling a lot with my home environment and I’m hoping to get some advice.

My father drinks occasionally, and when he does, things get really chaotic. He comes home drunk, creates fights out of nowhere, threatens suicide, and verbally abuses my mom by calling her names and slurs. It feels like he does it just to assert his ego or superiority. Unfortunately, the problem doesn’t disappear when he’s sober either — the same ego and tension are still there.

My parents have never been able to resolve their issues by actually talking things out. Instead, they constantly blame each other and repeat the same cycle of arguments. My mother also has her own issues. She often says things without thinking about the timing or the consequences, which sometimes escalates my father’s anger when he’s drunk. She can also be very toxic in other ways. She frequently calls my 15-year-old sister names and slurs and doesn’t treat her with basic respect. Many of these things could be handled calmly, but she often turns them into shouting and drama. She is also very good at gaslighting and sometimes turns my father against me or twists situations involving me.

Because of all this, the atmosphere at home is extremely tense and stressful. My younger sister has also become very bitter over time and often behaves harshly toward me as well. It feels like everyone is constantly angry at each other, and I’m stuck in the middle of it.

I’m finding it really hard to feel any peace or stability at home, and it’s starting to affect me mentally. I don’t know how to deal with living in this kind of environment.

If anyone has gone through something similar or has advice on how to cope with a household like this, I’d really appreciate hearing your perspective.

TL;DR:

My father sometimes drinks and becomes verbally abusive and chaotic, while my parents constantly blame each other instead of resolving issues. My mother can also be toxic and gaslighting, and she verbally abuses my younger sister. The house is full of constant conflict and I’m struggling to find any peace at home. Looking for advice on how to cope.