Home visit mental health help for foreigners in Osaka

I’m posting here because I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life and I’m too afraid to actually go get help.

I’m a foreign student studying at a language school in Japan. Over the past year my mental health has slowly gotten worse, but recently it feels like it completely collapsed.

For a long time I was coping with stress by drinking a lot. I recently stopped because it was making my thoughts really dark at night and leading to serious self-harm thoughts. The problem is that quitting alcohol also cut off most of my social life, since drinking was basically the only way I could tolerate being around people.

Now I barely leave my apartment except when I absolutely have to go to school. If I go outside during the daytime I wear a mask and a hat because I’m extremely paranoid about people looking at me. Even then I start shaking uncontrollably and can’t stop it until I get back home.

I’ve withdrawn almost completely. I can’t focus on studying anymore and my brain just feels shut down most of the time.

Going back to my home country also isn’t really an option for me. I don’t have parents or family there anymore. Financially I’m actually okay for now, but mentally I feel like I’m falling apart.

To make things worse, I live in a danchi apartment and recently with the warmer weather I discovered my room has become infested with cockroaches. I’m not the cleanest person when I’m depressed and it’s gotten bad. I’ve started trying to power clean everything, but it’s kind of forced me to look at my life and realize how bad things have gotten.

I honestly feel like I can’t manage my life by myself anymore, but I’m also terrified of asking for help or going to mental health services.