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It’s so stupid.

It’s been two dates, one a nice dinner, drinks and back to her place. The other just an evening at hers.

She has come off a long relationship so just wanted casual which I was fine with. But I wanted something and it’s stopped so suddenly.

Her message that I’ve not replied to said it’s been too much for her, even called casual. We definitely had great chemistry so I wonder if it’s that, that it’s scary or doesn’t feel so casual, or if it’s me being too much and too into her. She is really beautiful, intelligent, funny, the time I spent talking to her was electric. I haven’t felt so alive in so long.

I feel like such an idiot. I hate myself for caring about this, and I feel I can’t tell anyone because it is just a couple of dates. I think I’m so frustrated at it ending so soon, I was just having some fun in my life for a bit with her. Someone to hang out with, laugh with. I feel so alone. She was smart, she was witty, steered was nothing to suggest she wasn’t into me. And yet it’s done.

I’m stuck at work, supposed to be in charge, and I am trying not to cry. All I want to do is cry. I want to go home and break down and feel all of it. I want to text her and ask what would work for her, is the door still open in time, all of it.

I’m so tired of feeling this stuff so deeply.