Feeling undeserving of food

First half is more of a vent, but I'd rather this be flaired as a question.

Recently I've fallen (back) into depression. I guess I had it coming ever since my ed relapse. But it sort of changed how I view my ed. For a while I'd binge trying to get a dopamine hit. Now I can't even get up. I can't face any people and eating food makes me feel pathetic. I don't deserve it, it's just prolonging how miserable I feel. It's disgusting. Being hungry gives me brain fog and it feels so good for my mind to not be thinking clearly. It's like, if I don't eat long enough, maybe it will finally take me. Maybe I can get frail and tired enough that I will just disappear.

I'm trying so hard to work up the courage to tell my parents and try and get help. I know I can't go on this way, I can't be with myself in this state, I don't know how much more I can take. Does anyone have tips on how to go about it? I thought about writing it down beforehand. Or maybe giving my mum a letter to read. I really struggle with speaking up and I have previous experience of her not really taking my issues seriously (I have anxiety), but I know she means well and I don't think she'll deny my issues if I make them clear. If anyone has experience with asking for help like this, I'd really like to hear it. Maybe it will give me the courage I need.