when you finally realize who the bad parent is

I grew up hating my father, well, I still do but not the way I used to. Right now it's more of "you are so annoying there's no point in dealing with you". But this was mostly fueled by my mother always being in my ear about their marriage issues. I have always done the emotional work for her. I was the absorbing sponge for her dysregulation. I never used to see that was unhealthy. Now that I am grown, I can see that in as much as my father has his own share of nonsense, my mother is the unhealthiest parent between them. She is fake and a pretender and she uses her children to process her emotions. One of her favorite creators is Mumia, the avoid marriage guy. She is his avid supporter but can't get out of her own marriage which she complains about daily. I have sucked up this woman's emotions for ages and ages thinking she was ever going to change but she just uses me for my emotional capacity. She triangulates between us as siblings as well when there is a problem. She hates hearing that their dysfunction has now spilled over to us as siblings. The both of them cannot take accountability for anything ever! I really wish choosing your parents was possible because I hate mine so much. And I know there's a thin line between love and hate but right now, I wish they never even existed. They have passed down so much trauma that I have to work hard to undo and they still never acknowledge it. Fuck them honestly.