jealousy

okay so yesterday my mom was calling my little sister who is dorming at uni and my mom was fting her since my little sister wanted my mom to drop off some clothing from her closet. but anyways i was listening to my little sister talk about needing nice clothes for a certain event that she’s going to with her friend group. honestly im really jealous of her. ive been in uni for 3-4 years and i haven’t made a single friend while my sister has made sm friends in less than a year. it’s like she’s doing everything im unable to do and im so resentful and jealous. like she already has lots of friends and gets attention from guys since she’s pretty. she’s a micro-influencer on social media. and she goes out to parties and school events all the time. meanwhile i haven’t done anything in my entire time in college. i don’t even have a single friend or a job or do anything outside of going to my classes and going home. like all ive done is be depressed and anxious and with nothing to show for my time in uni. like no memories, no college experience, no fun. like im so resentful and jealous towards her. and while my sister was facetiming my mom she sounded so happy and talking about how she got elected as president for a club. and while they were facetiming i felt my mood gradually get worse and worse because she was talking about all the fun things she was doing and i just pretended to do schoolwork so i wouldn’t have to talk to her. and my mom basically forced me to talk to my little sister even though i didn’t want to and my little sister could tell my mood was off since she asked what was wrong and i kept lying and saying nothing. even though im resentful and jealous of her i didn’t want to push all my negative feelings on her. so i just gave the phone back to my mom and my mom was like what’s up with you? and i just lied and said nothing. cause honestly nobody really gets it and i just feel alone and depressed. and today i had breakdown before going to uni like i just feel so miserable and inadequate. like im so done. and i have to go to a stupid lab in a few hours which makes me so anxious and nervous which i absolutely hate so yay! 😁