What do u do with a feeling so painful u just wanna escape from it any possible way

How do i stop it without hurting myself?

I have been broken up with bcs of awful mistakes i made. I never thought anyone would stay thru my bpd. I acted mean and tried to push them away. They stayed thru my bpd, but couldnt forgive my mean pushing away acts. And it hurts to lose my first unconditional love