Don't know how to talk to you now part 3

We never said we were taking a break or breaking up and i assumed that is what you wanted so for the first time in my life i didn't fight,beg,or plead like i did in the past with my other partners and let me tell you it is difficult and still is to maintain my distance and i am not sure if you blocked my number, but i never blocked yours and i keep hoping that now the intensity has gone down and i have had time to address the concerns you had and focus on what i needed to take care of that we can say all the things we didn't share and talk about what went wrong with no blame deflection or projection and pick this up together because you never stopped being that person i want to marry or build a future with. I still love you so very much and i am ready whenever you are to talk and fix this and be better than before, i miss you so much and i wake up thinking about you and go to bed replaying the situation day by day some days i feel frustrated but still love you, some days i am hurt and i love you, i know i should have told you about that manipulative ex that was trying to get a hold of me and been transparent about that which contradicts my needs but i didn't want to cause unnecessary stress during the holidays and i handled it all on my own went to the police station and filed a police report and everything all to protect myself, you and our relationship because i never wanted that person in my life and in our business. I was loyal to you through and through if you ever wondered and i am still thankful to your brother for standing up for me, it was one of the first times i ever felt seen. I hope we get to talk soon, i hope i haven't lost you forever though i fear i may have and that kills me a little bit, i know you are tired and upset and frustrated and disappointed with me, but i really wish you would come and talk with me, every time i hear Lady Gaga or Sleep Token which i introduced you to i think of you and Opeth too and i want to take an opportunity to share some songs i have listened to more recently that describe how i feel right now

Luther-Kendrick Lamar

Jungle-Drake

Love-Kendrick Lamar

Mushroom-Inner Wave

Too Much to Ask- Arctic Monkeys

Die Hard-Blxst Kendrick Lamar