My life is wrecked

I swear I'm trying to hold it together now but I had a nervous breakdown about a year ago and at times I feel a hint of recovering but then something will pull me backwards. I cannot handle stress, I try to practice things for my emotions to try to regulate but it's like my brain just can't remember it all and I panic and burst into more tears. It is the worst feelings. I am dealing with grief on top of it from losing my daughter and the world feels too much for me. I have pulled back from it for 4 years now. It feels so lost.