Am I a bad person for this.....

So I am a student and currently studying for a big college entrance exam. My grades were kinda good till 10th grade so my dad said I should try out if I can get in a good college, so I did agree. But I still do like my hobbies so sometimes i would try to cook or draw but my dad would get really mad at me for that. Then I kinda started to do all that secretly cause I just loved doing all that so much. A few days ago I didn't catch that he was behind me and I was drawing he saw that took the paper tore it and threw it in the trash. also he screamed at me for an hour saying I'll have to clean garbage and beg if I waste time then I started crying and he just said I was weak for crying and that just made me cry even more. He checked all my book and notebooks to check if I was drawing and that just didn't feel good to me and I said no, so he hit me. When he did I almost cursed him in my mind and felt bad so idk if I'm a bad persin for that.