I'd take nightmares over this any night

had a dream where i wasn't a fuckin coward and was able to actually talk to people and this big tall scary lady showed me her art and helped me sober up and im leaving out alot of embarrassing shit but we sat together watching a show leaning against one another and then i woke up and im fucked up man i pushed loneliness so far back into the reserves of myself because i know i'm just incapable of getting anywhere near that point again, yknow, the loove point. People are like a fucking impossible riddle to me anymore and i feel mor like a BEATEN DOG THAN a human being but now i want so desperately to become real for once but the thought of speaking to a stranger let alone trying to build something with one is fucking horrifying. I was content rotting away walking the same stupid streets that just blend into eachother going nowhere and now I want love again

i cant even talk to my coworkers dude

fuck an alt account ill put my patheticness on full display

I would literally take awful nightmares every night over feeling that warmth again no matter how fake it was because nightmares at least don't reawaken something in you that hurts and you know is unachievable, i need a lot of fucking therapy