As the initiator is it supposed to hurt this much?

I’ve been emotionally separating from my husband for a few months now after years of constantly trying and finally told him i wanted to separate. It’s not that I regret it but I guess it finally hit me that this is all going to be officially over soon and I feel really alone and can’t stop crying. It also hurts to hear him cry in the other room and we’re just both grieving but damn this hurts. No villain, just life.

I don’t feel like getting into the details of why, but my body pretty much shut down for a whole month and I came out of it with clarity that our relationship isn’t working anymore and I couldn’t bring myself to love him the way that I used to. I simply just care about him as a human now and wish him the best but god I’m so scared of how to live by myself now.